4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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