so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
