imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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