i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
