I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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