Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
