Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
