dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
