My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize