I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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