Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
