The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
