were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
