i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
