Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
