If i come over, it means nothing
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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