Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
