I must be too annoying 4 u.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
