i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
