the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
