My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
