shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
