I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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