dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
