remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
