proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
