____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
