Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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