This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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