apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
