Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
