Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
