Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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