i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
