I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize