I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
