I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
