I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
