he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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