his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
