Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
