If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
