Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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