Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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