Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
