RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
