Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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