Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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