so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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