I just gift wrapped bread.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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