just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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