You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I am naked and annoyed.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
