Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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