His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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