Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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