Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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