He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We are all done wearing pants today
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
