So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
