then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
