too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
