Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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