Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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