If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
