Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
