Rock
Scissors
Fuck
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
