I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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