So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
