I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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