I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
