Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
