Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
two words: eviction party
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize