Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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