Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
